Saint’s Row: The Third: Initial Impressions: It’s Disappointing: But Probably Only For Me: So Buy It Right Now

Saint’s Row: The Third, had so much potential.

Maybe that potential gets fulfilled somewhere along the way, but so far, it’s a major disappointment. You see, I wanted to build a very specific character. I’m of the belief that gangster protagonist characters should look really intimidating, and my Saint’s Row 2 character managed to be pretty intimidating. She was taller than most characters, and while not as beefy as I’d initially hoped for, she managed to strike a nice balance between sexy and muscular, which ultimately meant she was still pretty awesomely intimidating.

I had hoped, with Saint’s Row 2, to finally create my ultimate gangster character: a Russian giant of a woman, the equivalent of Team Fortress 2’s heavy. I wanted her to be strong and intimidating and fucking different from all the supermodels we see running around in video games.

Instead, I’ve got a BBW, it seems. Sure, she looks healthy, but not in the “healthy like an ox” way I was going for. No, she looks more like “healthy in that she looks like she’s eaten too many oxen but isn’t fat” way. Ultimately, I just went with sexy.

Dammit, Saint’s Row, I was expecting better than this. Instead of some triangle slider and another slider that determines boob size, it would have been nice to determine the muscle tone/size/fat percentage of each individual major body part (torso, limbs, face). It would have been awesome to create, say, a giant of a man with a withered arm or a woman with an unfortunately fat face in proportion to her body (resulting in her wearing a mask and being some sort of Batmanesque villain character!). Also, the facial scars are missing the Glasgow smile, which is really weird, because that’s like the most famous facial scar ever.

The game? Oh. I haven’t played that yet. Could be great. Probably is. Everyone else seems to think so!

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